My husband lies to me about important things, unimportant things and everything in between. The unimportant things I usually let slide and even get a little chuckle out of it.. and think 'why the heck would he lie about that, so ridiculous!!';.
But I've caught him in numerous serious lies where he would deny it, I even pull out evidence he still denies it, then eventually when he stops being furious he admits to it and then apologizes.
But he always makes me out to be the bad person at first. He asks things like ';why are you starting with me';. Sometimes I even believe I am the ';bad guy'; and I try to avoid confronting (talking) him about any issues that arise so we could just get along. Or if we are mid fight I will try make amends b/c I hate when we argue he can be so cruel and distant. When we don't argue he is the sweetest guy.
My question is, what do I do about him? How do I make him stop and see he is killing me/our relationship?? I love him dearly as he loves me... but I can't trust him at all. I fear that if he lies so much now what he is capable of and thinks he can get away with (cheating...)... if he hasn't already gotten away with it.How to deal with a perpetual liar?
I think you need to make lying the topic of a serious discussion at a time when you have not caught him lying. In the clear light of day, ask him what you can do to make him feel that he can tell you the truth. Ask him why he lies, what you can do to help him feel that he doesn't have to lie, and how he would like you to approach him when you know he's lied so that he won't feel defensive. If you find that you can't handle discussing these questions yourselves, there is no shame in getting the help of a professional counselor. Lying is a hard habit to break!How to deal with a perpetual liar?
This is a mental disorder. Anyone who lies pathologically actually starts to believe their own lies. He is becoming angry with you, another warning to you Honey. I went through this with one of my female friends, the guy made up such fantastic stories that anyone could see were lies but she loved him and trusted him, needless to say he did become violent, she got out in time. A marriage is nothing if it can't be based on trust.
I was married to a man like that for 15 years and i understand what u are saying about the constant lying... even when confronted with it proof and all. Anyhow, it was always my fault for catching him in a lie never his for lying. Eventually something big came up in our marriage when he needed me to believe in him and stand by him and i couldnt do it. He had cryed wolf tooo many times. He needs to see a counselor.
Perhaps you should tell him that it is now getting to the point where you are losing all trust in him and you fear it is doing to much damage to the relationship. If he feels he can't help but lie maybe he should go and see a professional.
The term is a pathological lier and that is a personality disorder. It could be an antisocial or narcisstic or both. There is not a one sure therapy that would help
He is a pathological liar. You will save yourself embarrassment and heart break to Divorce this sicko.
Why the funk did you marry him in the first place then? You are just as bad as him for enabling this nonsense!
maybe he was lying, when he said 'i do'.
You definitely have your hands full. Your husband is a compulsive liar. Lying has become more than a bad habit for your husband. It's a way of life. It's an addiction. You can not make him stop lying. He is still in denial about it himself. It's nice that he's a good guy much of the time. However, your marriage lacks one of the critical components that all marriages require: TRUST. You can't trust this man, for obvious reasons. The only thing you can do is sit your husband down and ask him to listen to what you have to say without jumping in. Then tell him what his chronic lying is doing to you and to your marriage. What are you going to do if he doesn't stop lying? Tell him that as well. One final thing you need to hear: if you present no legitimate consequences for his lying, he is never going to take you seriously. Your husband needs some serious help, but nothing is going to help him until he is willing to do something about it.... just like any addict. Best wishes to you.
Is it possible he has some kind of mental illness??
My soon to be former spouse, lied as often as the leaves fall.
After a while, I got to the point I could find the thread of truth in the lie and expose it right then and there. When his face went red with embarrassment I knew I hit the nail on the head. hahahahahaha
I could/can even do it over the phone and hear the change in his voice the same way.
If he adores you so much why try to deceive you at every turn???
i seem to attract this type of guy %26amp; i have to tell you it never changes
i'm sorry but it's true
and the only way to protect yourself is to get out of the relationship
i just ran into an x from my freshman year in high school (i dated this guy 12 years ago!) he's still full of it - lying about how many cars he has etc.
maybe try counseling (for you both together and for him alone)
but he has to want to change and they rarely do on their own %26amp; it doesn't seem like anything bad enough has ever come out of his lies to make him want to change
good luck!
You just perfectly described my last husband (ex). I left! He is now remarried and lying to his new wife. He couldn't even tell her the truth while he was in jail for a hit and run DUI. He lied and told her he was away at a class for work for two weeks. His phone calls to her were once a day at the same time DUH! Still, she didn't believe it and he continued to lie. I finally got a paper from the jail itself signed and with the dates he did time. He then called his family telling them that I almost broke up his marriage. REALLY??? Me? Or was it his dishonesty.
This man you are with will not change. The lies just keep getting worse. People like this lie so much that they start to believe them, themselves. My ex lied to me all the time and about stupid little things. He even cheated on me and lied for almost a year about it. The thing about these types is that they seem to get away with lies all the time. Even in court they can make their lies a reality.
By the way I was not being a nosy ex. I was only concerned about my ex spending two weeks in jail and bringing it up to him because we have two children that we share and they were in his custody at that time. I was very upset about it.
Tell him that if he lie and you still to come up something to lie.
If he lie small thing, tell him you will lie small thing just to match with him
Make it sound playful.
eg. When he call, he ask where you are, you said I am in France. What you doing? I am working on my rocket and planing a trip to sky.
Make the lie obviously that he can tell and laugh. Even for serious thing. Never said anything true to him anymore. When he change, you change. :)
Have fun.
I went through this. Lies lies about everything, every little thing, and she would even make up story from her imagination that sounds interesting to cover up for something she did(That bad). I dealt with infedility, promescuity and other things only coz I cared about her. Lsn I am just telling u my experience. So you dont have to apply any of this on ur husband. he might not cheat at all. But hey thats a big problem, lieing about everything. So just seriously threaten him that u gonna leave or even start considering leaving him. I am not saying you deserve better, you mightbe a bi00tch and u just wanna control him, but you deserve the truth as long as u r truthful.
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