To start off, we got engaged and all was well and overly happy as normal. I have been dating this woman for 8 years straight, without a break, sense she was 15 years old and I was 16 years old. We have had little problems in the early years other than me being a little controlling because I was older. There was rumor going around in high school that I slept with someone while away on a school trip; it was true however I denied it our entire relationship untill we got engaged. I have been completely faithful to her the entire relationship except for that one time. We have been very together the whole 8 years being almost unseparatable. It was a great relationship to both me and her (in both of our eyes). I had the opertunity to go off and live away for a semester of college; however, we didn't take a break and I came home every weekend to hang with her. I made friends with people, but nothing lasting. She was an amazing woman to everyone around her, and liked by all. Once she exited high school, she went off to college to the same college which was in town where we grew up and currently lived. I have never had any doubts about her being permiscuous or sneaky. It was always me that was up for investigation. So things started to get very adult very quick through college and we found ourselves looking to take the next step. Once I got my degree she continued to go to school for another year and a half. Once we got engaged she started to get very controlling and demanding. It was pretty pushy, but I was ok with it because I loved her and was committed to her. I talked about her snapiness with the preist before we got married, and he laughed and told me ';she can't be that bad?'; and told her about it and laughed. She is a sweet girl and would do anything for anyone like I have said before. So there was some changes in her that started to take place from that point on. We started to drink on a regular bases (Like 2 times a week). We started going out to local bars with other couples. We started to be friends with a wilder couple while having other clean cut couples to hang with too. My wife, fiancee at the time, started to want to be sexually adventurous which was fun to me at the time; however, her sex with me started to become less satisfying to her which I have never seen occur before. We hung with the wilder couple a good bit and started to get naked with them which she has never done before (nothing hands on, just hot tub stuff) About 2 or 3 months after that she started to talk to someone from school. I started working alot, and we purchased a house which we renovated ourselves. She talked to him on the phone for 2 months or so, and then she met up with him (out of town where he lived) while shopping for our new house. I caught her on the phone with him once, and she said that she has been being stalked by him ect. I told her that she can't be nice to this guy, and I yelled and got mad ect. That was the last time that I heard about him. Her friends kinda made jokes about this guy bugging her at school and they joked to her about him being her stalker. He was super nasty and unattractive not to mention he was like 4 foot nothing. Her friends said that she always made him seem like he was aggrivating. The week of the wedding and after the wedding she was super depressed. She told me it was because she was so overwhelmed by everything as she has been being for months. So after our huge honeymoon and stress subsided, I started to be super concerned with how she was acting because it didnt stop; she couldn't get anything done and very indecisive. So I investigated the situation and come to find out she talked to him everyday compulsivly for months up untill two or three days before the wedding, and she also had slept with him 4 of the 6 times that she meet up with him, and she even told him that she loved him. It is the weirdest situation for me, I don't know where to look and what to believe. She argues that there has never been anything like that before that has happened. I told her I don't believe anything and that we need space; however our anxieties are sooooooo high right now, we cannot go about our nights apart. She has had unprotected sex with him for seconds before she stopped him; however, it did occur (who knows the real truth). We have been to about 5 different doctors, and they are telling me she is bipolar. Even after all this craziness has went down, I still feel like there are hidden lies, and that she is just someone that will lie and manipulate to get her way.. someone please help me... I can't figure anything out!!!!!!!! She had the hardest trouble telling me the truth about everything even making up lies to make herself seem less guilty. Once again, all this started once we got engaged, nothing has been crazy before that point. A simple young loving relationship. HELP!My wife cheated a year before the wedding by having a confusing relationship with someone she barely knew.?
TMD. . . Too much drama!
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*My wife cheated a year before the wedding by having a confusing relationship with someone she barely knew.?
It sounds like you have gotten yourself into a bad relationship. Being married to someone with a mental illness like that is incredibly hard. If you can't trust her there is not much to build on.
Keep in mind that in today's society, getting a divorce is not that big of a deal. After you have kids together, it will be far more complicated and painful to split up.
Speaking from experience my mother is bi polar and no matter the amount of meds this will never stop. Honestly many bi polar's end up hurting themselves, becoming habitual liars and being mentally abusive. Your right she is going to be lying and manipulative at times (not to say ALL bi polar are like this but many are) not to mention you are never going to know if she is going to go off with a man again and bring something back that ';ajax can remove';. So you have 2 choices here niether of which can be taken lightly or without deep consideration.
1) Stick with her if you love her and are willing to risk the chance of contracting something or at least the fear that it might happen again. In doing this there will be a need for constant counseling, doctor visits, you will need to watch see if she is a having a ';episode'; my own mother will go into depressions and when coming out of them get VERY snappy! There will also be the need for you to come clean about that ';sleeping with a girl in highschool'; thing, for all you know SHE MIGHT know about it or have suspicions and that is what led to this problem in the first place.
2) You can leave her and move on. I won't say which is better either way both are going to be hard, you would need to prove her bipolar disorder and then prove she cheated without your knowledge before the wedding and that there was a chance she could have brought disease and passed it to you. In doing this you would most likely get away with a clean slate and not pay alimony but assets would be divided. Cant' say for sure each state and judge is different.
In the end though even if you decide to leave you need to both get counseling, I wish you the best of luck as well!
If your wife truly does suffer from bi-polar, then she needs to begin a medication regime. You cannot make sense out of non sense and bi-polar individuals do many things out of character due to a chemical imbalance. Please get her started on some medication.
So, this is the ';For better or worse, in sickness and in health'; vow that you probably took on your wedding day. If you truly love her and can forgive her, then you need to help her help herself. She needs counselling and medication, yesterday.
Otherwise, you will be resentful for eternity and be stuck in this confusing state of despair. Only you know if you can forgive her infidelity and web of lies. Your little indiscretion when you guys were teenagers should not even be part of this conversation. That was long ago and prior to a grown up relationship and commitment.
Take control, take action and either work it out or walk away.
Your never going to know the exact truth about anything. It sucks. If your strong enough to look past all this then stay with her and get a sex therapist. If your not strong enough leave her now, all your going to do is torture yourself thinking about this. It's not a good situation, a clean slate with a new girl might be what you need.
I think that you need to sit her down and demand she starts to tell the truth. But you also need to understand that people do make mistakes and hate to tell you about it, and it embarasses them, so you need to see it as if it were you. Would you have told her all the details? I think you need to sit her down or go see a psychologist with her.
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