Shady Activity in a LDR and relationship Venting(not well constructed sentences lol)?

Hey, Im going to post a few details about a Long Distance Relationship...Ive been with this guy for 2 years and The first year we met in Highschool and it wasnt long distance. Well we both go to different schools now 1000 miles away. I recently cheated on him by kissing another guy and I feel soo terrible about it but i told him and he started crying(he cries all the time) and now he is giving my ultimatums such as I can never hang out with that boy again or boys at all. He has facebook and I found he actually has me set to a limited profile view so I cant see when certain girls talk to him. He goes out drinking almost everynight and calls me at 4 in the morning drunk and will either yell or cry about something. We only see eachother for about 3 weeks total in a year and it will be like this for sometime. He says he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and such but I dont know what I want im only 19! Another issue is the guy I kissed it wasnt a slutty i need action kiss it was a kiss with real feelings. This other guy is a little older then me...and when you compare the two guys the new guys wins hands down...I feel like if i truly was still in love with my LDR BF i would not be having such feelings for other guys? Also the other that I kissed was saying that he is blown away by how my BF reacted. He said my BF is either a couple of things...He has already cheated on me and now he doesnt feel as guilty, he is really insecure and knows that he can manipulate me by throughing the guilt card at me about cheating everytime he wants something..and the more crude answer was that he his just passing the time til i see him in a few weeks so that He can ';Remark his body'; He actually said to me that he cant wait to see me and get ';His Body Back'; When the other guy I kissed heard that he almost puked....he said that there is no way that me and my LDR BF will work now...That he sees me as a trophy and a object now and just wants to use me sexually one last time. He also said that Trust and Love Go hand and hand and if there is no Trust there will be no Love and he said that the only thing there is room for is Ownership. I fight with my LDR BF al lthe time on the phone...when we are together in person we dont fight like we did in the past cause we dont even get enough physical time to get down to the core of our problems and work through them...I dont want to hurt my LDR BF but I dont want to do Long distance anymore but he just CRIES AND CRIES AND SCREAMS and Call no joke 30 times in a row if I dont answer....The fact is we are changing the age that we are both at is a huge growth period and since we dont get to see eachother it seems like we dont even know eachother anymore...like silly things like fav colors songs and food..even though i know those things dont matter its just a example. Last thing is nowadays when we fight which is often ill call him to try and tell him what is bothering me so we can work through it but he always even before I cheated will try to turn it around so im the bad person he will totally avoid what im saying and not do a thing. Ive tried to tell him that he wis going to have to change some of his behavior with me but he nevers changes or even tries to change....Sorry for the rambling im just venting...last thing, this other guy I kissed is amazing the feelings I feel inside around him are soo much different and more wholesome....When im with the other guy everything seems to disapear and its only him and I. Im afraid also that if I do break it off then go for this other nice guy the nice guy will get bored and leave me because he is no joke a brad pitt look alike and with the sauve of brad pitt in fight club...The non BF i kissed is amazing though and tells me all the time he doesnt want to pressure me into anything and if friends is all I can manage that it would suck only being friends but he cares enough for me to do that...I worry about him trusting me though cause I cheated with him..ive never cheated in my life til that point. He says he would trust me because we would never be in a Impossible Long DIstance Relationship...He says LDR really stands for long dying relationship lol I just dont see how it will ever work with my LDR now because he will never ever ever be ableto trust me because he cant keep tabs on me so it will cause more fighting and how can I not see this other guy now? The other guy is there for more all the time and no matter the reason...He does super sweet things which my BF gets mad about and says ';hes doing all the things I cant do and he better stop trying to sweep you off your feet'; The fact is he just is naturally kind and really does care about me in a much deeper way...HE could have slept with me on several occasions and I even really pushed him to the point of BLUE BALLS and he said no he doesnt want our first time to be Cheating...I just dont see how it will be possible for me to stay in the LDR and be happy now even if I didnt cheat...id sShady Activity in a LDR and relationship Venting(not well constructed sentences lol)?
try asking shorter questions